The Song of a Exile

“There will be times of exodus, but there may also be times of exile” Paul Windsor said this at the end of a time of incisive reflection that he was leading at the TSCF staff and families conference.

It struck me powerfully.  Has the last 8 months been a time of exile?  It has certainly felt like it. Distanced from the world that I am comfortable with (student ministry), disconnected from my TSCF friends and colleagues (whose company I treasure and who do me a great deal of good) and ‘home sick’ at heart but not being able to get myself anywhere but ‘here’.

If it has been a time of exile then what has been the fruit of it?  What must I take with me as I begin the slow journey back?

God is not my servant, I’m His. I think I’ve said this before, but it is worth repeating – I am not the centre of God’s universe: He is.  This nugget of treasure is of utmost importance.  I kind of hope you are reading this alone and in a quiet place: not rushing through your day, scanning your rss reader or browsing quickly. 

I hope (and pray!) that you can let this penetrate your head and heart – our lives, our fleeting existence, are but a breath in the wind of eternity. Can we name our great-great-great grandparents?  Do we know the details of their lives, their work, their beliefs, their hope, aspirations, their funny little ways?  No? It’s no surprise (but it is extra-ordinary if you can!). Generations have come and gone before us.  They lived like we do: bound in history and subject to the circumstances that they find themselves in, facing moral choices and making decisions in response to God’s self-revelation in Jesus Christ.

To look at our choices and the world we live it in seems somewhat obvious that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that we are central and at the pinnacle of history. Our hearts, fortified by the wise and the witty, tell us that we are demigods, that somehow we are different from all others in the world. We all, you and I and everyone else, are not important like that.

God created human beings for His own glory, to be the recipients of all the beauties and marvels that He is and to rejoice in it.  God created us for Himself. 

We are loved beyond imagining and treasured beyond the counting.  This reality grants us an indelible dignity despite the depravity of life in which we might live.  This truth bestows on us an undeniable beauty regardless of the marring of our own lives.  This, and this alone, gives us our humanity!  The reality of God’s love for us though and our dignity as we reflect His image does not make us the centre of the universe.  Our response to this truth should be that we worship God for who He is rather than for what we gain from Him.

I’ve felt stripped bare for most of the last 8 months – all of the things that I pretended to myself (and others) that gave me value, worth and dignity were removed in a single fall from a bicycle. I could not teach the Bible, I could not offer wit and wisdom in helping others think through who Jesus is, I could not contribute to strategic conversations about ministry in Auckland, New Zealand (or in truth my own home) and for large chunks early on I could hardly dress myself and take part in family life.  Left (from my perspective) with almost nothing I saw, even with a moderate brain injury, how deep seated the sin of pride really is.

This last week, sitting with friends and listening to Paul reflect on life and ministry from a Biblical perspective I felt a window of light open and give fresh understanding.  I’m learning afresh that I am not the centre of the universe: learning it anew is truly refreshing and a good place to begin the return from exile…

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with Him is plentiful redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.

Psalm130

All I Want to Say

A bit of blogging silliness, spilling over from/back into Facebook!  Thought it amusing enough to share – some of the answers below may seem contrived to be funny: but it is just what itunes put out.  Made me smile.  Why not do it for yourself… no brainpower required!

 

 

The rules:

Put your MP3 player on shuffle. If you don't have one, pick random CDs and tracks from your collection!

For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

Tag/email 10 friends who you think will like this, plus the person who posted this. (Thanks Claire)

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
I Believe in a Thing Called Love (The Darkness)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Sing to the King (Passion Band)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Even When (Jeremy Camp)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Son of God (Hillsong)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Things I’ll Never Say (Avril Lavigne)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
One Desire (Hillsong)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Brothers in Arms (Dire Straights)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Cry (James Blunt)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Ol’ Man River (Aretha Franklin)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Gold Diggers - Lullabye of Broadway (Film Cast)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Man Inside (Bebo Norman)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Faust Arp (Radiohead)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Can’t Stand Me Now (The Libertines)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Dumb (The 411)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Tequilla (Mint Royale Shot)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Away in A Manger (Anne Shelton and the George Mitchel Choir)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Let God Arise (Chris Tomlin)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ko Te Whaea (Te Kauri Wihongi)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
What if I Stumble (DC Talk)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Reckoner (Radiohead)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
The Long and Winding Road (The Beatles)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Bang, Bang! My Baby Shot Me Down (Cher)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Like a Racecar (Hawk Nelson/Trevor McNevan)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Into the Heart (Brian Platt)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Sinfonia for Strings & continuo in A major, Op 3/4 (Baroque Concerti from the Netherlands)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Staring at the Sun (U2)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Tamai Keimami (World Harvest Choir)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Recordare (Mozart Requiem)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
All I Want to Say (Stuart Townend)

Word Alive!!!

One friend asks how we might encourage and develop new believers (or old one's who have gone a bit crusty/off the boil) to really love The Bible; to enjoy it and to access its heights and depths.  I have no quick answers but in someone else in another blogpost from last month (last year even!) is pondering of how we might read the Bible like we love it (OK that's my spin on it) rather than fear it or find it tedious.

The video below is Scripture read like it means something, like it is loved as it is from God who speaks today what was spoken and written nigh on 2000 years ago. I've just invested 11 minutes of my life into watching the video below.  I'd encourage you to do the same - it'll do you an immense amount of good.  Revel in God's Word - even if you don't like slightly passionate American accents get over it and hear in those words so well delivered the truth and life changing power of God's work in Christ Jesus brought to our lives as His Spirit applies His Word to our hearts!

Retrospeculation

January is named after a two faced God, one that looked in both directions at the same time.  Namely so, at the start of one year we look behind at what has gone and also anticipate the year to come.

I was struck the other day, not simply to review of 2008, but to look back a long time.

What would I have to say to my nearly-19 year old self?  What warnings and advice would I offer to him?  What knowledge and wisdom would I want to distill for him?  What wounds would I have him spare him me?  What good habits would I encourage in him?

I would not be short of words or of insight.  I'd take him for a long walk and talk about the things that I would rather not remember, the sorrows of sin I would rather avoid and the faithfulness that I would rejoice in.

It struck me then - this would not be some monologue by 'wise' nearly-39 year old Andy!  I would have to listen to nearly-19 Andrew: he would express joyful surprise and acute disappointments as I answer his probing questions on the choices I have made and the life I have lived. He'd be pleased with my choice of wife (and delighted at her choice of me!), joyously hopeful for the 3 kids and the rightly encouraged by service in churches and UCCF and now TSCF . He'd be daunted by the opportunities, challenges, gains and losses in the next 2 decades.

I think he'd eyeball me and ask me if my love for Jesus is as fresh and all consuming as it was in January 1989.

I think my head would bow and tears would fill my eyes.  For all my 'wisdom' and for all my 'advice', I think his question would burn in me.  Do I love Jesus? Have the years waned the love of Christ in my life? Andy speaking to Andrew would admit that maybe the love for Christ has become more rounded, more grounded and rooted in the truth of God's Word.  Andy would speak of the Love of God made real in Christ Jesus through gains and losses, wounding and growing, through sharing the joys and struggles of life. He would have to admit though, and to do some with some conviction of sin, that there are different contours to how loving Christ works out - but too, that there have been compromise and failure. 

And then nearly-39 year old me would bid farewell and withdraw all advice and pretense at wisdom. He'd come to a quiet place of prayer and express thanks to God.  Over the last year God's grace has proven persistently, stubbornly and determinedly super-sufficiently for me.  This is no less true of the last 20 years.  Has the love for Christ dimmed and weakened in my heart?

The simple answer is no. The more detailed answer is that I love Jesus today but not as I loved him 20 years ago. Then it was raw and immature and largely untested.  Today it is raw and immature but has been through one or two crucibles.  This last 8 months has been one such crucible.

Still there was much that was commendable in the Andrew of 20 years ago: I take his challenge and, here at the start of 2009, admit that my love of Him is not what it ought to be and yet, because of His grace at work in my life, it is not yet what it will be.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1Peter 1:3-10

A new blogject...

A new project for 2009 is a a new blog - kiwichronicles wont be neglected (well not intentionally so) - I'm going into the historical depths of Christian hymn books. It's gonna be a 1 year project and we'll see how it works out.

It won't be systematic or dispassionate.  In fact it will be looking for perhaps some hidden or forgotten/misplaced gems of previous generations.  There may be some lost verses in hymns still sung and even just some well loved, well known and oft sung hymns.  Mostly they will be hymns that arrest my attention and turn my gaze to Jesus; hopefully in a heart, soul and mind lifting way that you may find helpful too. If you want to come along for the ride you'll find it here 

Good Looking?

I'm wondering if KiwiChronicles needs a new look for 2009.  I'm also wondering if someone with techno-style has the time, urge, patience and brain power to provide a template which KiwiChronicles could fill.  I have no brain power  for this sort of thing at the moment.  What do you reckon?

Update: Thanks to Dave Bish for sorting out the new layout of kiwichronicles!!!

Happy New Year!

What is a New Year's resolution for?  Why do we do it?  What do we hope to gain?


Me?  I recognise that, all too often and unlike Calivn, I'm long on promises and short on action.  Resolutions serve as distractions from the important reality of doing the same things with passion imagination and hope.

• Passionate about living life in Jesus, gracious promise of God, rather than the rules and regulations of religion!
• Imaginative in using the skills and dreams that God has given me; serving Him alongside others - thankful for the people he has placed in my life.
• Hope for the future - knowing that in Jesus is my hope is not in myself, my strengths, my wisdom, my intellect: nothing that is 'mine' is at all impressive before God.

The future is under His Sovereign rule.  2009 is His in its entirety. I wonder what it will hold.  The one resolution I will make will to acknowledge Him as Saviour, Lord, King and Judge in 2009.  My prayer is that I will do so passionately and imaginatively, full of hope in faithfulness.


Thanks for coming along for the ride over the last year - it's been a bumpy one! - I am praying that you will have a 2009 that makes the reality of God in Jesus all the more apparent and tangible in your life.